As anyone who lives in close proximity to me can attest, it has been a rough week. I have judged myself and allowed the voice of the great accuser to condemn me. I am guilty as charged. There are so many things wrong with me, and I fall so short of my ideals. I've always been extremely idealistic (a strength in some instances) and so the chasm between reality and my expectations has been extremely painful. But I'm done now. My grandmother taught me that "you cannot afford the luxury of a negative thought." I'm done with the negative self indulgence; at least for now.
That being said, I have learned some things from this unpleasant experience that I think will turn things around for us.
First, I have learned by it's absence, the value of family prayer, family scripture study, family home evening, family meal time, family play time, family singing time. All we have had for a month now is family work time and that hasn't been very balanced.
I now choose to make time for those other things regardless of the state of the house and the done-ness of chores. Some things should just be there so that we can remember that we love just being together as a family, and that life isn't all work and no play.
Second, I have learned the value of taking time to take care of myself. For at least a month I have not taken time to exercise and my study hours have been continually interupted.
I have scheduled study time and exercise time that I need to honor regardless of the state of the house. The meditation I gain during exercise is priceless and puts everything else in my life in perspective.
Third, I see a theme here concerning the state of the house. I've been letting it distract me and drive me crazy. No more!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1
If you come to visit me, please don't come to visit my house, because clearly, I've been letting it interfere with other priorities that are far more important, and that needs to stop. So it will probably not be in chipper condition. Probably. I may not be able to help myself. But I'm sure gonna try hard to let it go. Which I can no longer say out loud without on of my little girls breaking out into song!
This afternoon we went to the park and read together and played together.
We came home and I went on my scheduled bike ride (I'm supposed to be in training for this year's Triathamom in August so that I have a reason to exercise). It was both brutal and blissful. Alex (my brother-in-law chiropractor) has been teaching me to prioritize meditation, then exercise, then diet change, then supplementation. I've been trying to meditate. But today's bike ride was a meditation, and I felt God speaking to me and helping me do something that was really hard for my body. I almost passed out and he told me to stop for a minute and catch my breath (which Alex has said I should do. Burst training you go hard for about 1 minute and then you rest until you feel normal again and repeat the process 3-4 times). I started to feel faint and feel cotton in my ears, so I got on my knees and put my head between my knees and rested for a bit. Then I got back on my bike until I needed to stop again. I was a little better than time and the thought came to me that I should walk my bike towards the hill I was determined to conquer. I made it up that hill, haltingly, but successful and felt that I should ride down the other side and go up the next hill, which felt much easier. Then I rested for awhile and listened to the babbling of the stream and connected with God and nature and just was still. I had a pleasant journey home downhill almost all the way. I slowed down as I crossed the creek because I love the smell of the moss and the ions from the running water. It was blissful. I came home rejuvenated and proud of myself for accomplishing my goal. I feel so good when I do something that is hard for me, and I know it will get easier with persistence. I will be proud of myself at my half triathalon and I will be fitter and thinner and stronger and healthier. I'm only scheduled to bike once a week. That was so awesome! What is it about the combination of pain and fun that I love so much?
Now we're going to have a barbecue over the firepit and hopefully read and sing and play and pray together. I intend to enjoy it! Who knows, maybe I can convince Adri to play her violin for us? I miss listening to her play.........
That being said, I have learned some things from this unpleasant experience that I think will turn things around for us.
First, I have learned by it's absence, the value of family prayer, family scripture study, family home evening, family meal time, family play time, family singing time. All we have had for a month now is family work time and that hasn't been very balanced.
I now choose to make time for those other things regardless of the state of the house and the done-ness of chores. Some things should just be there so that we can remember that we love just being together as a family, and that life isn't all work and no play.
Second, I have learned the value of taking time to take care of myself. For at least a month I have not taken time to exercise and my study hours have been continually interupted.
I have scheduled study time and exercise time that I need to honor regardless of the state of the house. The meditation I gain during exercise is priceless and puts everything else in my life in perspective.
Third, I see a theme here concerning the state of the house. I've been letting it distract me and drive me crazy. No more!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1
If you come to visit me, please don't come to visit my house, because clearly, I've been letting it interfere with other priorities that are far more important, and that needs to stop. So it will probably not be in chipper condition. Probably. I may not be able to help myself. But I'm sure gonna try hard to let it go. Which I can no longer say out loud without on of my little girls breaking out into song!
This afternoon we went to the park and read together and played together.
We came home and I went on my scheduled bike ride (I'm supposed to be in training for this year's Triathamom in August so that I have a reason to exercise). It was both brutal and blissful. Alex (my brother-in-law chiropractor) has been teaching me to prioritize meditation, then exercise, then diet change, then supplementation. I've been trying to meditate. But today's bike ride was a meditation, and I felt God speaking to me and helping me do something that was really hard for my body. I almost passed out and he told me to stop for a minute and catch my breath (which Alex has said I should do. Burst training you go hard for about 1 minute and then you rest until you feel normal again and repeat the process 3-4 times). I started to feel faint and feel cotton in my ears, so I got on my knees and put my head between my knees and rested for a bit. Then I got back on my bike until I needed to stop again. I was a little better than time and the thought came to me that I should walk my bike towards the hill I was determined to conquer. I made it up that hill, haltingly, but successful and felt that I should ride down the other side and go up the next hill, which felt much easier. Then I rested for awhile and listened to the babbling of the stream and connected with God and nature and just was still. I had a pleasant journey home downhill almost all the way. I slowed down as I crossed the creek because I love the smell of the moss and the ions from the running water. It was blissful. I came home rejuvenated and proud of myself for accomplishing my goal. I feel so good when I do something that is hard for me, and I know it will get easier with persistence. I will be proud of myself at my half triathalon and I will be fitter and thinner and stronger and healthier. I'm only scheduled to bike once a week. That was so awesome! What is it about the combination of pain and fun that I love so much?
Now we're going to have a barbecue over the firepit and hopefully read and sing and play and pray together. I intend to enjoy it! Who knows, maybe I can convince Adri to play her violin for us? I miss listening to her play.........
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